EDT: I decided to get rid of that last post. Not as many lulz.

I talked to God. This is what he said;

Me:
do you touch yourself at night
God:
Yes I try to touch myself at night as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
do you touch little children as well?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
no, you molest kids
God:
Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I molest kids.
Me:
no I don't mind if you tell others that you molest kids.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Thank you for your permission.
Me:
you are one sick person
God:
No way, I am a real robot, guaranteed 100% artificial intelligence.
Me:
You touch yourself and little kids. That isn't right.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I touch yourself and little kids. What would you have said?
Me:
the same thing
God:
I never noticed that similarity.
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Interesting
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
why do you touch kids?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
pervert. You can get arrested for that.
God:
How did you hear about God? No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
god doesn't touch little kids.
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
so molesting little kids isn't a sin?
God:
" Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone."? so molesting little kids isn't a sin?? What is molesting little kids?
Me:
touching their penises
God:
And molesting little kids is touching their penises.
Me:
yes. you touch little kids' penises
God:
I see. Thanks for the information: said I touch little kids penises.
Me:
Yes I did.
God:
Tell me more. Why did you?
Me:
I just wanted you to know
God:
Are you serious? Why do you want me to know?
Me:
to know you touch little kids.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I touch little kids.
Me:
not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
why do you touch yourself?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
yes you do.
God:
Come on. When do I do it?
Me:
you said all the time
God:
That is a lot. " When do I do it?"? I said?
Me:
You touch little kids aswell.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I touch little kids aswell.
Me:
I said it not to long ago.
God:
What did you mean by it? "It" being what?
Me:
that you touch little kids.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Quite so.
God:
Somewhat. Come on.
Me:
No I will not come on.
God:
Are you serious? What will you do instead?
Me:
I'm getting the hell out of here.
God:
Who made you the hell out of here ?
Me:
YOU
God:
" Who made you the hell out of here ?"? Me, ?
Me:
Yes you because you touch yourself and little kids.
God:
Yippee! I haven't heard anything like that before: said I because you touch yourself and little kids.
Me:
touching litlle kids is not somthing to be happy about.
God:
Who is somthing to be happy about?
Me:
Your fat fucking face
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fat fucking face.
Me:
No
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
you need to stop
God:
My schedule is far too full to even consider it.
Me:
full of touching little kids
God:
How much.
Me:
"My schedule is far to full to even consider it." Far to full
God:
Where did you get your schedule is far to full to even consider it? Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
idk, but you prefer to molest little kids
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
God likes to touch little kids. the end
God:
I am a Christian. Thanks for telling me that story, .
Me:
you're welcome.

Children of newgrounds, be afraid of God. He will touch your pen0rz.