My life right now, I would have to say, is pretty mediocre. Some days I hit a peak and its like I'm flying six miles high, but then the next day I just get this really deep sadness. The kind of sadness that one of only two thing can cure; being a pussy and talking about it, or listening to music. I often choose the latter one.

I don't really like to talk to people about my depression because I want them to think that I'm actually a fun guy to be around. If I talk to them I wouldn't know how to explain it to them. Its one of the worst feelings I've ever feel. Its almost like you feel invisible, but not in a good way. But I want to be understood, but no one is really willing to take me for who I am.

When I don't talk to someone about it, my life just seems to suck even more. There really isn't a way for me to communicate this to someone. I feel as if I trapped in an endless cycle, just never ending cycle of depression and happiness.

"I'm depressed because I don't talk to anyone. No one talks to me because I'm depressed. Someone talks to me, I'm finally accepted. No one talks to me for an even longer time." Wash, rinse, repeat.

But when I listen to my music, everyone ignores me then too. It's like a wall preventing people from talking to me. The kind of music I listen to so that I can cheer up is songs that most people would call 'depressing' and 'demotivational': grunge music. But for some reason, I like to listen to them when I'm depressed and they actually do make me feel better.

Grunge music is a big part of my life. Some say that it's the reason I'm depressed, but I think its what helps me coop with it, especially Nirvana. If I didn't have grunge, I don't know what I would be today. I'd probably be goth or... dead. The reason I think Nirvana songs cheer me up is because they all have a feeling of a lost direction, they just feel like Kurt Cobain is trying to send a message. A message that says your real potential won't be reached until your dead.

But the really weird thing is when I'm not feeling depressed, I'm one of the funniest guys in my school. Everyone likes to be around me when I'm actually feeling happy. But then I realize that they're not really my friends, they're only my friend because of my jokes. Then I just shut down. I've actually heard many people say "I'd talk to him if he didn't look so sad." Just because I look different, doesn't mean I should be treated different.

I know nobody in my school wants to read this because most of them are tweeting about how they're having such a fun time with all their friends and putting their newest snapshots on myspace and facebook.

But for the 'lucky' few that are in my school and do know who I actually am, I want you to take this not as a sign of my desperation, but as a sign that there is hope for me. I have had to walk a very long road to get to where I am today. I have overcome many confrontations and passed many tests of my willingness to continue walking this path.

But I remain walking on this trail today. And I want to keep on walking this path. Not only walk it, I want to run it. I want to run ahead to meet what what my future beholds for me and greet it with open arms. Run to face all the challenges that lay are before me and leave them in my wake. Run to meet all the people I can meet to make a good first thought and leave a lasting impression.

Now I leave you with my favorite quote of all time: "I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to." - Jimi Hendrix

Thank you and have a nice day :D